Seven Sins

 The Narrator put me up to this.

The Seven Deadly Sins

and what they mean to me.

Firstly, I decided

I'm going to illustrate this

with some pretty pictures

of things you really shouldn't do.

Like letting a dog mount a goat.

It's a sin, I tell you!

Secondly, I went and did some research and found

that all seven of the Sins had moved around 

somewhat over the past two thousand years.

That means I can pick my favourites!

Wrath!

Yes, yes, we all have times

when we're justified in feeling angry.

However, Wrath is that surge of emotion 

where we don't care what we say or do 

and let it all hang out.

And we shouldn't.

And by we,

I mean me.

 Well, actually, Wrath

should be pronounced roth

like Tim Roth.

Which brings me to...

Pride!

(Love this cartoon for two reasons.

One, it's wickedly smutty and two,

it demonstrates why Fragonard's

The Swing is pretty smutty, too)

I'm not particularly prideful

about my looks or (hah!) wealth

or possessions.

However,

I do have a nasty habit of correcting people.

It has taken me some time to learn

 that it's not socially acceptable 

to begin a statement with the word

Correction!

Furthermore, if I ever need to open a sentence

with the expression Well, actually,

I should double check it first.

 Gluttony!

A question very dear to my heart.

How does anyone in the USA stay thin?

The only saving grace of my gluttony

is that I like to cook.

It's also an excuse.

Greed!

I don't do this one very well.

I'm usually happy with what I have.

Apart from books.

I want all of mine

and all of yours, too.

Sloth!

Sloth seems to have been something 

closer to clinical depression earlier in its career,

when it was called Acidea

It was the feeling of ennui, tedium, procrastination

that prevented you from getting up

and doing what needed to be done.

And by you

I mean me.

(Again)

Envy!

(Wonderful allegorical picture

that can mean anything you want. 

It includes the foot from 

Monty Python)

I don't suffer from envy.

Not at all. 

I'm happy for you if you have a bigger car

or a bigger house or even a pony.

Jealousy?

That's different.

Lust!

Look, I know you read through all of these

just to get to Lust.

Big red shiny LUST, 

like a bed full of satin heart-shaped pillows.

But Lust originally meant desire,

a desire for anything. 

And if we didn't desire something enough

to get off our heart-shaped shiny pillows

and go for it,

we'd never get anything done.

Which makes Lust a cure for Sloth, right?

(see above)

As for libido,

I can only suggest you get happily married,

(Partnered, hand-fasted, civil unioned.)

so you can have as much sex

as you can eat.

Like this.